I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
