I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
