Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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