i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
