She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
