so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
