If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
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He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
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the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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