this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
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Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
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I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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