I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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