the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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