You just made me feel so damn special
North Korea, Best Korea!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
