I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
