You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
