i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
