me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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