we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
