God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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