can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
