I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
