get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!