After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing