break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.