who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.