My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
