I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom