Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
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If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
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And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again