i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.