I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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