Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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