He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize