you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
