my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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