Don't make out with my wife yet
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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