He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
