In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
