Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
