So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
