Non-Jews are for practice
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
