But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
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you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
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the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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