Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
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the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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