I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
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I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
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You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.