my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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