i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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