Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
