if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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