Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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