I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
