A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
