Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
