what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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