think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
