I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
