the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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