I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
