So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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