I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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