Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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