Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
