Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
