No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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