I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
