the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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