I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
