Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
