Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
