I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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