just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
