So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
