I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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