I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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