I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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